And not the Batman we know, but the 1969 goofy-ass Batman.This is such a bizarre movie. There are a few moments where I legitimately thought I was watching a Mike Meyers parody of Sherlock.SPOILERS AHEAD!!!! I don't know how to do spoilers with the fancy redactions, so stop reading and go watch the movie on youtube if you don't want it spoiled.The movie starts with Moriarty being acquitted of criminal charges because Holmes was late with the evidence that he's a criminal mastermind. Then they share a cab as Moriarty explains that he's going to pull the ultimate crime under Holmes' nose and Holmes will never know.A few scenes later, we see Moriarty in his lair. And we know it's SERIOUS BUSINESS because very ominous music is playing as Moriarty schemes. Then a henchman comes in and he complains about the ominous music, at which point the camera pans over and we see the ominous shadow of the guy playing the ominous music.Then Moriarty explains he's going to distract Holmes with silliness while he commits his ultimate crime. That's when he pulls out a crayon and draws this:https://ift.tt/3qQ7z0v we cut to Holmes as a government official arrives, asking Holmes to help him safeguard a gem that's being added to the Crown Jewels.That's when a frantic heiress bursts in and waves Moriarty's crayon sketch at Holmes. Holmes tells the government official that Watson will work on the gem case because Holmes must devote his full attention to this pressing crayon matter.Various scenes follow. There's an obligatory scene in which Holmes goes undercover as a wandering gypsy or something and performs on stage at a lavish party in a song and dance number. He sneaks away after he gets off stage (while receiving great applause) in order to talk to the heiress because he didn't want to draw attention to himself.That night, the heiress wakes up and hears ominous music from outside her window. Fearfully, she looks out and sees that mysterious musician from Moriarty's She screams and the ominous music stops as the musician runs away.Then there's a bunch of silliness and nonsense and Holmes shoots the musician. Watson has successfully protected the jewel. (Someone HAD stole it, but, luckily, dropped it as they were fleeing.)Holmes is now stressing bout Moriarty because they learned Moriarty shaved his beard and he would only do that in order to disguise himself with his real face. Holmes mentions it would be Moriarty's crowning achievement to defeat Holmes and then (in a totally Adam West Batman moment) snaps his fingers and exclaims, "Crowning!"That's when he whips out a book (and I was really hoping they'd show a picture of a woman crowning in childbirth) and flips it to a picture of the crown jewels, realizing that Moriarty dropped the new jewel in order to steal ALL the crown jewels.Holmes counts this as a victory of his mind over Moriarty's even though he never solved shit and the only reason they arrive in time to stop Moriarty is because Moriarty is seriously dawdling as he fills the bag. Then Sherlock punches Moriarty off the Tower Of London and celebrates his own tremendous mind, which was victorious in this battle of wits.Then the movie ends and I'm sitting here wondering if I'm having a stroke or something because this was some real Austin Powers shit with a hint of 1969 Batman. via /r/movies https://ift.tt/320RF92
No comments:
Post a Comment