Using clues from the 2010 film MacGruber, I created a MacGruber timeline and figured out that he was 54 years old in the movie, and had 416 receiving yards while playing football at the University of Texas, El Paso

I’m a big fan of the movie MacGruber, it’s incredibly profane, always funny, and it doesn’t make anything easy for audiences (think MacGruber’s speech about stealing Casey from Cunth). One of my favorite moments is when Lt. Dixon Piper breaks down MacGruber’s military achievements. Here’s what he has to say: (clip here)“The Legendary MacGruber. Former Navy SEAL, Army Ranger and Green Beret. Served six tours in Desert Storm, four in Bosnia, three each in Angola, Somalia, Mozambique, Nicaragua and Sierra Leone. Recipient of sixteen Purple Hearts, three Congressional Medals of Honor, seven Presidential Medals of Bravery and starting tight end for the University of Texas, El Paso.”After hearing about his war heroics, and learning he foiled an assassination attempt on Jimmy Carter in 1979, I became curious as to how old MacGruber actually was in the 2010 film. I started by researching the Saturday Night Live skits, that aired between 2007 and 2010. However, I quickly learned that they’re zero help because his age is all over the place, (44-50 in some skits) and according to the MacGyver/MacGruber skit he was born in 1973. The year is problematic because in the 2010 movie timeline he foiled an assassination attempt on Jimmy Carter in 1979. This means if the timelines are combined, he was only six when he helped save Carter. Nope.Here’s a document from the film that discusses his heroics in 1979 and proves the two timelines are different (this is insane….I know it).​https://ift.tt/3dqt65U on the clues from historical data, UTEP sports records and the 2010 film, I’ve come up with a MacGruber timeline that suggests he was 54 years old in the 2010 film.MacGruber TIMELINE1956 – MacGruber is born – Parents unknown1974 – Was recruited by UTEP to play Tight End. He had two receptions for 18 yards and a touchdown during his Freshman year.*Based on the film’s timeline and UTEP records, the UTEP TE Dean Allcorn fits the dates perfectly. I’m using his stats.1975 – Five receptions for 59 yards – He also bowls a 225 game at a local bowling alley.1976 – 14 receptions for 256 yards and two touchdowns1977 -Six receptions for 83 yards and two touchdowns. He is recruited by the Army after graduation, because they are impressed with his hand/eye coordination (E.G. beginning of throat rip training). He also breaks up Dieter Von Cunth and Casey Janine Fitzpatrick.*I’m happy with this late 1970’s assumption because during the flashback scene in MacGruber, he is wearing a ringer T-shirt. They were immensely popular in the 70s.1978 – Army Ranger Training – During his training, he learns that he hates guns. Normally, this would be an issue, however, his aptitude for remorseless killing and throat rips make him a valuable asset.1979 – Foiled the Assassination of President Jimmy Carter in Israel (Carter did visit in 1979) – MacGruber foiled the terror plot and killed 200 in process. I’m guessing bombs and throat rips. In the report, he says “Bombs are super complicated."just in case you missed the one abovehttps://preview.redd.it/jnpwfiq4lcx41.png?width=703&format=png&auto=webp&s=1677b9897a2368cef3aa2cf2d27d8df9fe5af26dThis is the video that shows the document about how he prevented an assassination attempt on Jimmy Carter in 19791979 – Green Beret Training (busy year for MacGruber) – He also meets Frank Korver for the first time1980 – Two Tours in Nicaragua (received 3 Purple Heart Medals, One Congressional Medal of Honor, and a Presidential Medal of Bravery) – During the “Chattanooga Two-Step Mission” he saved most of a village and his fellow Berets when he throat ripped 27 soldiers during a 17-mile trek through the wilderness. He was shot twice (oddly, he didn’t mind the bullet wounds) during the trek1981 – One Tour in Nicaragua (received 1 Purple Heart Medal) – He received the Purple Heart Medal when his homemade dynamite exploded early1982 – Navy SEAL training1983 – Missions in Israel, Canada(?), and Persian Gulf (Classified – I never heard back from Canadian sources)1984 – Missions in Iran, Honduras, and Persian Gulf (Classified)1985 – Missions in Iran and Libya (Classified)1986 – Missions in Libya and Bolivia (Classified) – We do know he and Tut Beemer became friends during this time1987 – Two tours in Mozambique (3 Purple Heart Medals and Presidential Medal of Bravery)1988 – One tour in Mozambique (1 Purple Heart Medal) – During one particularly nasty throat rip, he poked himself in the eye and claimed he received the injury from his foe1989 – Two tours in Somalia, One tour in Nicaragua – Vicky St. Elmo is shot during this Nicaragua tour1990 – One Tour in Somalia (cut short), Two tours in Desert Storm (3 purple hearts) – During these tours he teams up with Vernon Freedom, Tug Phelps, Tanker Lutz and Brick Hughes​The Killer Stoppers1991 – Four tours in Desert Storm (special military rules allowed the tours to be shorter than normal – first person to ever have this happen to) – (Two Congressional Medals of Honor, 3 Presidential Medals of Honor) – MacGruber was able to deactivate a scud missile and throat rip a famous sniper at the same time.1992 – One tour in Bosnia (1 Purple Heart Medal), One tour in Somalia (Classified)1993 – Two tours in Bosnia (One Presidential Medal of Honor) – The film Behind Enemy Lines was inspired by his missions here.1994 – One tour in Angola (Classified)1995 – One tour in Sierra Leone (2 Purple Heart Medals) – Deactivated two bombs at the same time. However, he missed the third bomb, which is why he received two Purple Heart Medals1996 – One tour in Sierra Leone (2 Purple Heart Medals) – Same as above1997 – One tour in Sierra Leone (One Presidential Medal of Honor) – This time he got to all three bombs.1998 – One tour in Angola (Classified)1999 – One tour in Angola (Classified, Redacted and Classified again…Something bad happened)2000 – Retired – Marriage to Casey Fitzpatrick – Wedding Tragedy2000-2010 – Isolation in Rio Bamba, Ecuador – Faked his death2010 – BACK IN ACTION!!!!!!There it is! MacGruber was 54 years old in the 2010 MacGruber. He also had a long and storied military career that left at least 7,000 dead (good and bad people).If you like this random post, make sure to check out my other random data on Reddit.Movies featuring snowmobile action scenes are way cooler than movies featuring jet ski action scenesAnalyzing the unnecessarily large trap in PredatorsHow long did it take The Joker's henchmen to build the cash pyramid in The Dark Knight?Brad Pitt eating and box office numbersJCVD and his splitsHow Far Did the Shark Travel in Jaws: The Revenge?Matthew McConaughey's massive jump in Reign of FireHow Far Does the Creature From It Follows Travel?People love a bearded Kurt RussellTracking the Merman's Murderous JourneyMichael Myers road trip in Halloween H20Stellan Skarsgard's journey in Deep Blue Sea was gnarlyHow Fast Can Leatherface Run?Jet Ski Action Scenes Are the WorstA Breakdown of the Events Leading Up to Sam Jackson's Demise in Deep Blue SeaThe Fast & Furious & CoronaHow Did the Geologist Get Lost in Prometheus?How Long Does it Take Horror Villains to Travel From NYC to San Francisco?Michael Myers Hates Using His Turn SignalCan Jason Voorhees teleport?How Long Did the Joker Need to Setup the Weapon Circle in Suicide Squad?How Much Time Did Batman Need to Setup the Bat Fire Symbol in The Dark Knight Rises?How Much Sand Did Elektra's Sandbag Trainer in Daredevil (2003) Require?Breaking down The Mariner vs. Sea Eater battle in WaterworldAnalyzing the Posters for Nicholas Sparks' Book AdaptationsHow far Did Nic Cage Run Around in a Bear Suit in The Wicker Man Remake?How Many Bullets Missed John Matrix in Commando?How Much Blood Poured Out of the Sprinklers During the "Blood Rave" in Blade?Michael Myers Loves Doing LaundryDolph Lundgren and His Front KicksHow Many Calories Did Shaggy and Scooby Doo Ingest When They Ate the Cotton Candy Glob? via /r/movies https://ift.tt/2YGN5Ji